This is Part 2 of a two-part series on learning to think interculturally, even in your own neighborhood. For Part 1, click on this link.
Every neighborhood has its own culture. Now on the surface, our street may look a lot like the dead-end with an even wider turnaround one block over, but every cul-de-sac has its own personality, its own vibe.
That vibe is part of what makes up culture, culture being the way people interact with each other and what they produce collectively out of those relationships. People vary in the way they relate to each other based on their unique individual personalities. Put people together in a neighborhood or group and their combination of personalities will shape the group culture.
Like a family. As my wife Kim says, a family size is not just the number of family members, but the number of relationships in a family – which multiply with each new addition. People relate differently with different people, but those combinations of relationships shape the entire family culture.
And this is the key to absorbing new cultures. At the surface level, I can describe the look of the houses on our street. I can tell you the kinds of trees, bushes, and flowering plants in their front yards. But the neighborhood culture is really made up of how each unique individual on the street relates (or doesn’t) to all the other unique individuals on the street. Plus, how they relate to each other’s pets and even to the general wildlife – in our case, deer, turkeys, peacocks, skunks. (Real animals, mind you, not just my impressions of my neighbors.)
Building relationships is the key to absorbing culture. And relationships take time. First impressions are, well, just first impressions. As the old saying goes, you can’t tell a book by its cover. Repeated contacts contradict or fine tune those first impressions. It’s all about learning, not just how they relate with us, but also how they relate with each other. Learning that this neighbor looks after that neighbor. Discovering this other neighbor will have nothing to do with that other neighbor.
My first cross-cultural experience was not when I moved to Texas. Before that, I went to college. Before that, I started kindergarten. Before that, I was born into a family. You get the idea.
Every new encounter is in some way an intercultural experience.
But learning to adapt to new settings is only a fraction of learning to think interculturally. Thinking interculturally also requires paying attention to how I have adapted to those new settings. The more I understand the process of adaptation, the more I can handle the adaptation process over and over again.
Now some of that process is understood by observing myself – how I move into a new situation. Sort of like an out-of-body experience. Almost, but we call it self-reflection. The better I understand myself, the better I understand those external interactions.
We can also learn much about the adaptation process by reading how others have done the same – histories, biographies, memoirs. And even exploring what experts have to say about interpersonal relationships and intercultural communication. By “expert” I mean someone who has done some serious study on the subject. Lots of research, writing, peer review, etc. Lots of mental processing.
Before I scare you off, I don’t mean you have to do all that processing at a high academic level to have a good experience walking into a new grocery store or church. But it is true that getting a few handles on the way we ourselves adapt can go a long way in helping us adjust to new settings.
Even interpersonal and intercultural experts can struggle in new settings, by the way. Just because you know the theory behind doing something doesn’t mean you are good at doing that thing. But theory can help us understand the how and why of what we are doing.
The next time you find yourself in a situation that feels awkward or strange, try thinking interculturally. You might be saying to yourself, I am not comfortable here because this is a new situation. That new situation may be a fitness club you’ve joined or the new in-laws you are just meeting. Admit to yourself you are an outsider and that this setting is a new culture to explore.
However minor the differences from what you’ve experienced in the past, these are differences you have to process, differences you have to adapt to. Before judging, explore why their ways might be of value. When Kim and I moved to Taiwan, we adopted a saying we used frequently: “It’s not wrong, it’s just different.
How are people communicating – verbally and nonverbally? What seem to be the unwritten rules of engagement? Those are far better questions than just asking where the exit door is.
Keep in mind, culture itself is always changing. When my father died a little over a year ago, I returned to South Jersey for several weeks. I’d been away for many years. Some things hadn’t changed at all. I could certainly find my way around easily enough. But other things were different. People grow – and change. And I had grown and changed, too. Even as I slid right back into the old settings, I discovered I was having to make adjustments. And people were, I think, having to adjust to me.
They say that after you leave a place, it is hard to go back. Well, you can go back, but the longer you’ve been away, the more you need to return as if you are an outsider, a newcomer.
That is what I am talking about. Learning to process how you relate to new situations.
When joining a new group of people or entering some setting for the first time, you have to adapt just like you are adapting to a new culture. Because you are. Make adaptations often enough and with good self-reflection and you may find yourself something of an intercultural expert – one who observes the differences and similarities between cultures.
I’ve written about intercultural adaptation from a faith perspective in Night Shift: Crossing the Cultural Line for the Kingdom. You can order a copy here on my website.
I often write about intercultural experiences – look up my old posts on intercultural engagement here.
Photos (clockwise from top left): High school graduating class of two (Jim Kwon of South Korea and Robert Kenyon of USA), 3 men from NW China (Tibetan, Hui, Han), neighborhood peacock, Loralee Carpenter Meier and a Chinese student, man in Buenos Aires, the governor of the Ningxia Hui Autonomous Region and me).